Published 9 January 2019
It is a funny thing when something forces you to reflect on the life you are living.
Karta is growing fast.
He is the teenager I always wish I could have been. I probably spoil him, but not in the usual way. I do not have bags of money to throw at him. What I do have is love, attention, and the desire to give him the kind of support I did not always have.
My love for him is something I did not know I was capable of before he arrived.
He is my world.
Most days, I question my ability as a parent. I am always torn between doing what is supposed to be the right thing and listening to my heart. Part of me wants to guide him carefully. Another part wants to let him remain a free spirit for as long as possible.
I do not know whether he will thank me for that when he is older.
Either way, I want him to be happy.
I hope he remembers his childhood. I hope he remembers my part in it. I hope that, long after I am gone, he knows I tried to be present, kind, and steady.
Sometimes I worry about how he will cope when I cannot be there for him.
So for now, I will do my best.
I will be the best dad I can be for Karta. I will make more effort to help him, guide him, encourage him, and give him room to become whoever he needs to become.
My dad was not there for me.
I think that tells you all you need to know.