Do you ever ask yourself, what is the point?
Why do we work hard to earn money to buy things we don’t need?
I’ve been asking myself that question for years, and I still don’t know the answer.
Lately, the YouTube algorithm has been feeding me videos about EDC items you can’t live without and ten things you should own that will last a lifetime. Some have value. Most miss the point, which makes me scratch my head.
Apparently, one of the first steps towards owning fewer things is buying the correct things to own fewer things.
I have been doing my best to reduce my belongings rather than add to them. When I think about it long enough, I realise I don’t need “stuff”. I’ve written about that many times, but now it is hitting home harder than ever. It is shaping what comes next.
I have a nice MacBook. I have a Pixel 8 Pro running GrapheneOS. I have a compact Canon G9X Mark II camera, which my son has claimed as his own. I own a set of good-quality kitchen knives. I own a nice Skoda hatchback, which I bought outright and owe nothing on. I have just bought the cottage we have lived in for the last five years. Aside from the mortgage, I don’t have consumer debt.
I have everything I need.
Why do I feel I need more things?
“Things haven’t really gone in the right direction. Have you considered a statin?”
I had my annual diabetes health check this week. I know, and have known for quite some time, that I need to do more to address my health issues. I have a list as long as your arm of diabetes-related maladies to manage. The nurse knows it, and so do I.
“Yeah, but I don’t want to change or increase the medication I’m taking. Not until you give me three months to try to turn things around through lifestyle choices.”
She smiled and said, “That’s okay, but you have to consider medication if the numbers don’t show us that you’re moving in the right direction.”
Fair enough, I thought.
I never named anybody.
It didn’t matter. They recognised themselves.
Or they thought they did, which amounts to much the same thing once somebody has decided that a sentence on the internet is definitely about them.
Explaining that it wasn’t did not help. It probably made things worse. I was no longer merely a dangerous blogger. I was now a lying dangerous blogger who refused to admit that everything I wrote revolved around the people I worked with.
I have got myself into hot water before by writing about my day job.
I wrote about the atmosphere. The friction. The odd little cruelties that collect inside a workplace until everybody begins treating them as normal. I wrote about how it felt to spend most of my waking life somewhere that seemed to be making me increasingly miserable.
I avoided names. I left out locations. I changed or removed details.
I thought that was enough.
It wasn’t.
Sometimes I wonder whether I got into trouble at some of the places I have worked because I am more intelligent than some of the people around me.
There. I have written it down.
It looks bloody awful.
Arrogant, elitist and exactly the sort of thing said by somebody who has recently watched a twelve-minute YouTube video about misunderstood geniuses.
I am not saying I am better than everyone else. I don't believe I should be carried into work on a golden throne while my colleagues scatter rose petals beneath my feet.
I am not even sure that intelligence is the right word.
Still, the thought has returned often enough that I cannot dismiss it completely.
I seem to notice things that other people do not. Cracks in plans. Contradictions between what somebody says and what they actually do. Problems sitting quietly beneath the surface while everyone else carries on as though everything is fine.
Sometimes I can see where something is heading before there is enough evidence to explain it properly.
It is a feeling.
Something does not fit.
Something has changed.
Something is being left unsaid.
I have learned not to ignore that feeling because it is often right.
Not always.
That is where the trouble begins.
Nearly six years ago, I wrote a short piece on Medium called How Do I Find My Niche?
I had been spreading myself too thin. This was not an unusual state of affairs.
I had started a Substack newsletter and filled it with sections about cars, motorcycles, travel, television and anything else that wandered across my field of vision. The problem, as I saw it then, was that none of it fitted neatly together.
I did not have a niche.
The case for having an imperfect memory – a psychologist explains
365daysStudios/Shutterstock
Gillian Murphy, University College Cork
Think back to your time at school. Were you hard-working, popular, anxious? And what exam grades did you get? Now, imagine someone pulls out your school reports from that time. How closely would they match the results you just brought to mind?
If your recollections match exactly, you might congratulate yourself on having an excellent memory. But as a psychologist who has spent years researching what people remember – and misremember – my work often challenges the idea that the “best” memory is always the most accurate one.
In fact, some of the distortions commonly regarded as memory failures may be signs of a healthy and adaptive memory system. In many aspects of life, research suggests people misremember their past in predictable, self-protective ways, reshaping experiences to support their current, positive sense of self.
I went to bed for half an hour this afternoon and woke up four hours later.
That was not the plan.
Somewhere in the middle of it all, a train conductor taught me how to levitate. I cannot remember whether this was part of the normal service or whether I had been upgraded. At one point, it snowed.
Meanwhile, my body was doing something almost as strange. When I lie down, the coughing stops, and my nose stops running. Apparently, I am allergic to being upright.
Rhona just let me sleep.
“It’s okay, you’re ill,” she said.
Sometimes, the kindest thing another person can do is give you permission to stop. Rhona did that, and my body took full advantage.
Four hours’ advantage.
I’m awake again now.
Gravity, at least, has returned.