My desk, in our summer house, in our garden. This is my writing desk. From here, I write and create music, listen to music and think deeply. I am happiest here.
I often wonder why. Why do I do what I'm doing? Why do I not do certain things anymore? Why don't people like me? Why don't I like people?
Why am I writing this blog? This question is probably the easiest to answer.
A few years ago, I became interested in telling my story. My life has been a rollercoaster ride. The highs and lows have caused great joy, deep sadness, and turmoil. But the ride is and has been incredible. The highest high was becoming a father. Parenthood completed me; it helped me find my rudder and, of course, some direction.
Early 2025
This is not another full surgery post. That story already exists elsewhere on this site. This is the bridge between the long archive and the present-day recovery.
By the time the archive reaches this point, the thread is clear.
Health stopped being background noise.
It became the story.
January to November 2024
This piece gathers the main personal health and work posts from 2024. It was a year of returning, relapsing, adjusting, worrying, working, gaining weight, losing rhythm, facing the hip properly, then getting knocked sideways by Covid. Not a clean recovery. More of a loop.
November to December 2023
This piece gathers the late-2023 health posts about arthritis, work, fear, fasting and another attempt to rebuild from what the body was saying rather than what the mind wanted to believe.
April to June 2023
This piece gathers a few short posts from spring 2023. Work had taken over. Health had improved. Money was still tight. Then, somehow, we made it across the Channel and gave Karta a few days in Germany.
January to March 2023
This piece gathers two updates from early 2023. After the health scare, the HGV licence, and the move into practical work, life began to settle into a different rhythm. Not easy. Not perfect. But steadier.
2022
This piece gathers posts from 2022. It was the year health, work, and money stopped being abstract problems. The year began with village life, writing plans and another attempt to build a simple rhythm. By spring, an HGV medical exposed the truth. By winter, I was driving grain lorries across the south-east of England.
January to December 2021
This piece gathers a run of posts from 2021. The year began with lockdown, furlough, doubt and another attempt to find focus. It ended with a new home, a new job, night shifts, and a quieter attempt to make family life work.
Published 31 December 2020
Thank fuck for that.
I managed to get through 2020 reasonably unscathed. As far as I know, I did not get Covid, which feels like an achievement in itself.
Karta completed his first year of home education. I think he is where he needs to be, and he is progressing nicely. It has not always been easy, but then nothing about 2020 was easy.
We also got our first full year in our new home under our belts.
Village living suits me. I think it always will. After years of noise, pressure and feeling boxed in, having a garden, a garage, and a quieter rhythm to life has made a real difference.